Warning: another female entry ahead.

I had my first bout of mastitis.  

We had received news that Tyus was being discharged later that day on Sunday morning. Yippee!  We asked if we could go to church and then come back to pick him up and the nurses said that was fine.  So we went to church and Thanked God for our blessings and of course told everyone we could that he was coming home that day. 

It turned out to be our 전도사님's birthday and they were having a little dinner party for him at one of our friends' house.  Now this was the first time I had even gone to church since mid-April (ever since I had my first bleed and was put on strict bed rest), and since then our 전도사님 had visited and called me countless times while I was at home and in the hospital.  Not to mention sending me care packages.  So, we decided that the least we could do was to stop by and drop off a bday card and gift before heading off to the hospital.   But before going there, I noticed that my left breast was becoming increasingly engorged, so we decided to make a quick stop at home to pick up my breast pump and head over.  We picked it up and arrived at our friends place. As soon as I got there I asked to use one of their rooms to pump as I was really starting to feel the pain.

I started pumping, but very little milk was coming out and by then I was in a lot of pain.  I felt knots in my breast that were so hard and painful to touch.  In a matter of minutes I started to feel major bodyaches all throughout and all the energy felt like it was just sucked out of me. My friend (whose also a new mom) suggested that I try to push out the milk by hand forcefully, so I stood over the bathroom sink and tried. God did it hurt! My poor sister even tried helping, because by then I was crying, well bawling.  My friend and sister got hot towels to put as a compress on my chest to loosen the milk ducts which kinda helped, but by then I was shivering like a mad woman. Literally, my teeth were chattering. It was like the worst flu symptoms in the span of 20 minutes.

We ended up having to call the hospital to let them know we would be there a few hours later, because it was that bad. I ended up passing out on my friend's bed after taking some Tylenol, delirious from the pain.  About an hour later, I woke up still in pain, but to a much lesser degree. I was so depleted of energy, but I dragged myself up so that I could try pumping again and then head over to the hospital. 

Needless to say, somehow I managed to get to the hospital and we picked up our sweet little boy, who was waiting so patiently for his mommy and daddy.  I can't believe that this happened at the exact time I was supposed go pick up our son! It was so weird, because the illness just hit me like a mack truck out of nowhere. I'm actually still not fully recovered, but we're taking T to the Pediatrician tomorrow for his 1st visit, so maybe she can give me a prescription for antibiotics also.  Apparently I got the illness, because I was expressing my milk irregularly.  Ladies, if you haven't experienced this before, it is EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL. Your breast will swell up, get very hard (bc the milk ducts are full and clogged), you'll get flu-like symptoms and your breast will be very painful to touch. Apparently, it only happens to one boob at a time and it is still safe to breastfeed your baby as the milk is not contaminated in any way. One form of relief is to apply warm/hot towels to your breast or take a hot shower to loosen the milk ducts and then express as much milk as possible.

Well, after that crazy ordeal the little bugger is finally home.  Here are some photos of him on his homecoming day.  Excuse the inconsistency in the picture quality, I have this camera that I really don't know how to work. One of these days I'll get around to reading the manual.

Patiently waiting in his car seat while mommy signs his discharge papers.

I can't believe I'm home!

Now I can finally get some real peace and quiet!

Happy 1 month Tyus~ 

August 6th marks the 1st month since he's come into our world..  Sadly, he's still not home with us yet.  He should be coming home any day now, but each day we hear "probably in a couple of days".  The only reason he's still in the hospital is because he's got a bit of acid reflux and last night had a momentary pause in his breathing, which makes the docs want to keep an eye on him for a few more days.  Otherwise, he's doing very well!  He's eating well and gained alot of weight and is now 5lbs 1oz, yay~ 

His face changes everyday as it's starting to fill out and I'm happy to see that he's finally starting to get some cheeks =).  So far everyone says he looks like Dad and I agree - I can't see any of me in him, yet.  But that's fine, because I always think it's so cute when I see little boys that look just like their daddy.

I have to admit though, it's really taking a toll on me emotionally.  I'm beginning to feel like I've got a part-time baby.  It's such a strange feeling to know that I've given birth and have a son, yet I'm not doing all the things a normal new mom would be doing.  It's already quite an adjustment becoming a first time mom as it is and then to be in this 'limbo' period with him here, but not really HERE with us 24/7, is another thing altogether. Everything seems to be on hold.  I feel guilty at times for just doing normal things in the outside world while he's stuck in the hospital.   I especially feel guilty when I have to leave him at the end of the day... Granted I spend hours with him each day, but I feel like it's not enough and I'm not being a 'good-enough-mommy' to him.  I really want him to feel my love, but I don't know if he really does. I hope he does...

My work has me set to come back to work in mid-September, but I haven't even had time with my child yet!! I know that I can push that date back some more, but it's giving me anxiety.  I'm losing out on precious time that I should be spending with my baby!  I know life's not fair, but still...

I just can't wait til he's home and I can put this all behind me.